| | Struggling this week with how to deal with loss as a part of my job at the hospital. On Saturday we had a "grief" (death) of a teenager. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and died kinda suddenly. Part of my job as a Child Life Specialist is to do handprints and/or footprints of the patient who died. We incorporate the prints into a collage/scrapbook type page and give them to the family as a tangible reminder of their child that died. The case on Saturday had its own set of unique circumstances with family dynamics and was a bit drawn-out, but prints were done and we were able to send the family home with them.
I've done prints before, but none of them really seemed real. The prints I did previously were both cases that came in through the Emergency Dept. so there was no relationship and they came in on the verge of dying. Saturday was different though. I realized after we had done the prints that I had met this girl and her Dad a few weeks prior on our outpatient unit. She was the sweetest thing ever and her Dad was so precious with her....I did my job on Saturday and drove home exhausted but hard-hearted about it all.
Today the reality of the grief hit me. I don't know what exactly triggered it, but today I grieved the loss of that girl. Her smile came to my mind. Her Dad's tear-filled eyes as he sat next to her lifeless body filled my mind. I was overcome by a sense of sadness tonight...so much so that I feel as though my tears kind of erupted. I realized tonight that I didn't allow myself to feel at all on Saturday and all my pent-up stuff needed to come out.
How do I deal with death in a healthy way? How do I process and then move forward after a day like Saturday? I know I suck at expressing tears and emotion as I see it as weakness which in return equals vulnerability. I know my coping (or lack there of) isn't healthy and I do want to fix it....just gotta figure out how...
Dealing with griefs/deaths is my least favorite part of my job so far!!!!
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| | Posted 2/21/2008 9:59 PM - 50 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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