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| Struggling this week with how to deal with loss as a part of my job at the hospital. On Saturday we had a "grief" (death) of a teenager. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and died kinda suddenly. Part of my job as a Child Life Specialist is to do handprints and/or footprints of the patient who died. We incorporate the prints into a collage/scrapbook type page and give them to the family as a tangible reminder of their child that died. The case on Saturday had its own set of unique circumstances with family dynamics and was a bit drawn-out, but prints were done and we were able to send the family home with them.
I've done prints before, but none of them really seemed real. The prints I did previously were both cases that came in through the Emergency Dept. so there was no relationship and they came in on the verge of dying. Saturday was different though. I realized after we had done the prints that I had met this girl and her Dad a few weeks prior on our outpatient unit. She was the sweetest thing ever and her Dad was so precious with her....I did my job on Saturday and drove home exhausted but hard-hearted about it all.
Today the reality of the grief hit me. I don't know what exactly triggered it, but today I grieved the loss of that girl. Her smile came to my mind. Her Dad's tear-filled eyes as he sat next to her lifeless body filled my mind. I was overcome by a sense of sadness tonight...so much so that I feel as though my tears kind of erupted. I realized tonight that I didn't allow myself to feel at all on Saturday and all my pent-up stuff needed to come out.
How do I deal with death in a healthy way? How do I process and then move forward after a day like Saturday? I know I suck at expressing tears and emotion as I see it as weakness which in return equals vulnerability. I know my coping (or lack there of) isn't healthy and I do want to fix it....just gotta figure out how...
Dealing with griefs/deaths is my least favorite part of my job so far!!!!
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| Another quick update:
-Started at CHOC 1 day a week...so far so good. 35 hours down and many more to go.
-Still working 1-2 days a week at the hospital, 3 if I'm lucky.
-6 more weeks till this quarter is over...then only 1 left!
-Highlight of the last month has been Disneyland in the rain.
-I am not an avid hockey lover and we are all about the DUCKS!
-Jaye turns 35 this year....
-Brother turned 15...where did the years go?
-My back is still messed up...going on 2 months of daily back pain...ANNOYING!
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| Really, I'm not sure what to write...
-Christmas has come and gone. It was alright, but as always juggling family can be tough. We saw both sides though and it was fun. We are definitely looking forward to Christmases with our own kids, when we can stay home and expect Grandparents and family to come to us!
-I worked New Years eve...I got home from work at 11:30 and we watched the ball drop. Thrilling huh? New Year's day we saw Enchanted ( LOVED IT!) and then spent the evening with Jaye's family.
-Work has been good. I've had 3-4 days of work each week so far. Looks like my schedule will be a bit sparse the next month so I am hoping to find a part-time job...not sure what...babysitting, MyGym, anything involving kids that is flexible in hours would work!
-Started my practicum at CHOC yesterday...it wasn't anything too exciting, but at least it is started and underway! 14 more days to go now!
-Working on getting into an internship at City of Hope for the spring...we shall see what happens!
-Ummm...I think that's it. For more info or updates, check out our website as it is more up to date!
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| Its crazy to me how quickly time has passed the last month or so!! WOW!
Work is going well! I have my last day of training this week and I work my first solo shift tomorrow night! I have a lot of shifts in the ED (emergency dept) coming up so I am hoping that nothing too bad happens! I'm excited yet nervous about it all at once! I absolutely love my job though and I am so happy to be a Child Life Specialist! I'll continue to be per-diem at LLUCH while starting a one-day-a-week practicum at CHOC. I interviewed at City of Hope last week and hopefully will start an internship there in March or April! All this school stuff and change is a bit crazy to me, but I am so grateful to have Jaye through this all! It is so re-assuring to come home to him each day and to know he supports me 100%!!!
Went to an incredible service at church tonight....it really put it all into perspective of why we celebrate Christmas! We have gone to CA (Christian Assembly) a few times and we absolutely LOVE it! I don't know what it is, but God is sooooo there! We love the church and feel quite at home there, even if we know only 1 person. I'm excited to see what God has in store for us there!
So yeah, life is good! Lately however, I've been missing my kids from BCC...There's a handful that I would really love to be with right now....there's those few kids that I'd give anything to wrap my arms around and be with right now!
Anyway, that's the quick update for now...more later.
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| Almost done with week 4 of training...1 more week to go before I get to work my own shifts! After that, I'll still have more training to do, but at least I'll be done with training on the busier units! Working in oncology this week and I really like it! I like the kids, I like the consistency, I like the procedures, I like the routine! (o: Tomorrow I start in the Emergency Department...I'm not sure what to expect. The hours are late (3-midnight) so I hope it stays pretty busy as I usually go to bed between 9 and 10. Gotta love it!
Today is my last day of classes for this quarter! I am soooooooooooooooooo excited! I have a final today that I didn't study for at all, but I'm not really worried. After today I have 2 take-home finals to do and then I get 3 weeks off from school! It will be so nice to have a break from school! I am really looking forward to a few days at home hopefully!
Been working on internship stuff for the spring and it's been a bit frustrating lately! So far things aren't working out super well, but hopefully that will change and something will fall into place. I really want to be done with school already!
Jaye just finished at a 3-week placement and we are back to square 1 again...my hours will probably decrease now that I am done with most of my training so we are back to trying to figure this all out again! Yippee...
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